Thanks so much for your comments. I thought I would be blogging into an empty void!
So, yesterday I was AF and as usual, today I feel good! My body is a wondrous thing (no really ;) Having abused it for years and years, it still likes me just a bit and with a big fat sigh, goes to work overnight to make me feel human the next day. Remarkable. But I know I'm pushing my luck.
My pattern is to have a mini blow out, say a couple bottle of cava and then feel like hell the next day. I spend the rest of the day, when I am not in bed, dragging my sorry ass around like a slug - full of self loathing and hopelessness. The day after that funnily enough, I don't usually have any inclination to drink but I decide to QUIT. I obsess about giving up and - well hence the blog.
Today I am feeling the stirrings and the demon is whispering into my ear once again. This started at around 10am. It's getting earlier and earlier every day. It's a good job I work for myself. I would have lost a job a long, long time ago. At the moment, I am resisting it (trying to) but like a persistent toddler, the voice, (is it a voice?) gets louder and louder and drowns everything out. When I give in, which I usually do, it then turns into the teen from hell where there is no thought about consequences or the future.
I have an event this evening but if I can just get to 6pm without going to the shop for a bottle 'before I go out', the evening will be far, far less painful.
So let's get positive and not let this f**ckwit win!
I am a huge believer in leverage - tools and strategies to help you get the edge (imagine what we did before washing machines were commonplace!)
There is a particular video stream I follow when I have the time (who am I kidding, I spend more time drinking and recovering than anything else, so I need to stop telling myself that I don't have time)
Anyway, this video stream, it's from a guy who condenses great messages, advice etc from great books into a short video. I watched this one today and it blew me away.
Before you watch it, let me tell you my thought processes behind it. I am not speaking for everyone obviously, and I have not met everyone who has a drink problem - obviously. We all have our reasons and ideas of why. But everyone I have met with a problem has some underlying issues (including me) we are trying to blot out. It may not even be things we are aware of and although I am not one to blame everything we do because of past bad experiences - I am not comfortable in victim mode - I do think it's helpful to try to understand why - and to stop beating ourselves over the head every time we fall off the wagon. Anyway, here is it;
Let me know what you think x
The other tool I am going to be trying is a 10 minute meditation every morning - and perhaps when I get the urges.
Loving this one https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/calm-meditate-relax-guided/id571800810?mt=8
Especially the background sound & video of rainfall on leaves - bliss.
See you on the other side xx
Hi Shanti...utilitizing tools is a great strategy! I was thinking about what you could do tonight before your function so that you don't pre-game. What if you went for a walk (provided liquor store is not within walking distance) and arrived home to get ready with just enough time to get to your function? What if you got ready earlier and went to the mall beforehand? Go somewhere where there is no alcohol? You can't drink if you are exercising! Your tools you reference are great! But, you drink alone in your house...get out to places where you can't drink!!! Hope you don't mind my suggestions! I want you to be successful! xo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much S xx
DeleteRemember you have to blog tomorrow...you want to exclaim about making it another day..to all of us applauding. Work through the cravings, focus on distraction like advised above! Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteThat is a great video, so clever and it does indeed ring true for me in a few ways. Ah, the Internet can be wonderful! Good luck tonight at the event x
ReplyDeleteIsn't it? I'm so glad I shared it and that you got something out of it x
DeleteOh bless your heart S x I'm going to write a post about what happened tonight xx
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh I loved that video, have sent it to about 10 people. Will watch another one tomorrow. I know I will not have caught you before you left but I hope you had a good night whatever you ended up doing.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great?! Glad you liked it. It was like OMG moment for me. X
DeleteJust what I needed this morning. My wounded child has been acting up lately and my trauma blocking is up. Even just recognising that is making me feel more positive already. Thank you, this is really going to help xx
ReplyDeleteHa! I'm the perpetual adolescent (which I think is the bigger pain in the ass x :) As he was going through the behaviours, I was ticking them off in my head. Yep, I do that, and that, and that... I may get the book as although he mentions how to notice when you are doing it, it doesn't give any advice on how to stop it - or do you - just. stop. it? x
ReplyDeleteFor me sometimes all I need to do is recognise what I'm doing and that is enough to stop me (when I'm sober that is)
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