Thursday, May 26, 2016


Today is an AF day. It's a gorgeous day here in sunny London and I went on a little walkabout earlier - looking at all the beautiful flower displays in the shops nearby (they put on a bit of a show to compliment the Chelsea Flower show which is nearby).

I drank yesterday but stopped at 5pm.  I normally would have got a bottle after my last meeting and carried on - but I didn't want to.

Today, as I say, I am not drinking. I had a little twinge earlier and so bought  KFC (3 pieces with fries, gravy - since you're asking haha - it was bloomin' lovely!) I don't often eat KFC but had the urge and for now, those are the urges I will give in to.

On some of the blogs I read, it often comes up about romancing the booze. We forget the hangovers, the dangerous situations, the cost of job losses, relationship losses etc etc. On a lovely sunny day like today - we think of.... well you know.

Part of my strategy to re-programme myself is to watch and read some unpleasant things. When I went to AA, some of the stories were heart breaking. I always cried. I don't understand why the people telling them didn't cry. Perhaps they had told them so often.

Anyway, I wanted to share some things with you - if you too are looking for ways to replace the romantic image of alcohol with the reality for us.

Have you watched Leaving Las Vegas?  Oh my God, it will tear you up. I won't spoil the story but again, it is heart breaking. It's also a brilliant, brilliant movie.

Something else I have been trying to find online is the stunning documentary - I think it was called 'Dying for a drink' and it followed the stories of three or four people as they lived with or fought their battles with alcohol.  One part I remember vividly is one young chap who was yellow, such was his liver damage. He was sat in his mother's living room lying on the sofa with a bottle of red wine in one hand and a bucket in the other. He would take a swig, vomit into the bucket and take another swig. Over and over again. His mother was at her wits end. He did eventually get off the booze, which was fantastic.

Today I received an email from someone in my industry. He does not know me and he certainly doesn't know about my problem but he was telling his story about building his business and lo and behold - he used to have a big alcohol problem.

He is sober now, has been for years and is very, very happy about that. He mentions a tale about a friend of his; This is what he said...

'I once met a man who was so sick from booze that he vomited every time he took a drink. He had no money and couldn't afford to waste his liquor. His solution was to vomit into his whiskey glass and then drink it again... Last time we talked, he'd been sober for 20 years'

Do you think that reminding ourselves of how bad it was, or could get, helps us stop romanticizing? Maybe that's why AA works for lots of people.

Sometimes it feels like the world is conspiring against us doesn't it? But sometime, these little things, reminders like the email, make me think the world, universe, whatever is actually conspiring FOR us; and really, really wants us to stop.



  1. Ok, well, that made me visualize. Thanks, I think. Truly, it was good to think about at 6pm my time. No drinking urge here right now...that's for sure! :-)

    1. Sorry! Vile isn't it - I am a bit tough love with myself. x

  2. Oh my gosh that makes me feel sick. Er thanks?? Ha ha. I am a little embarrassed to say that once when I was having yet another say goodbye to alcohol forever night i.e. this is the LAST night I will ever drink (it wasn't of course) I knocked over my last glass of wine! DISASTER!! I was so angry and upset and furious and sad that just for a slit second I thought about sucking it up through a straw. That fills me with shame just to think that is where my mind was. Luckily I didn't and realised just how disgusting and desperate that was. Unluckily it was only 9pm and the corner shop was still open so I just went and bought another bottle. Naturally I had some left over so planned the next night as being another goodbye forever to alcohol. And on and on and on.

    1. I remember something similar! I split my last tiny drop of wine on the kitchen counter and licked it off. x

  3. Oh blimey, I have done that too......squeezing drops from a tissue having mopped up. And I LOVE kfc. Is there no hope for me?!

  4. Replies
    1. Hello love, I've not been great tbh. I took my eye off the ball and started drinking at home, before going out etc. The plan was to wean myself off so that by July I would be ready for the big quit day. I'm going to have to gather myself together and get in the zone x

    2. I sympathise and totally understand. It's so easy to set the date but the reality of sticking to it feels like a different task altogether. I am in the same position. Keep putting off the actual date but have the constant intention. I don't yet know what's the answer is. I have managed to give up once before but I don't feel in the same place right now and am not sure if I am really ready, if I really want to stop. While at the same time I just want to BE. stopped!! Hang on in there. The time will come when it feels right and you will be able to do it, sorry if it's painful for you in the meantime. Keep posting if it helps. X

  5. Just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope all is ok in your world. Take care.